


White Rabbit

by Tshilaba



Category: Death Note
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 19:12:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5303384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tshilaba/pseuds/Tshilaba





	White Rabbit

_It never made sense to me. Why you always chased after him. Why it was always him.  
That's when I realized it.  
It was an obsession. You were obsessed with him. Completely and totally obsessed with him. He was your White Rabbit. You wouldn't stop following him. You __couldn't_ _. And I would always follow you._  
  
***  
  
"Matt, what the hell is this?"  
  
"Hn." The gamer didn't look up until his PSP was snatched out of his hands and thrown against the wall, where it shattered on contact.   
  
"The fuck? Mello, that's about $600 dollars you just shattered-"  
  
"I don't give a damn how much money that piece of shit cost. I want you to tell me what the fuck this is." The blond shoved the paper towards the younger man.  
  
Matt blinked twice. "Oh, that..." he said slowly.  
  
"Yeah, this. What the hell is it?"  
  
"I wrote it back at Wammy's." When that answer didn't satisfy the gun-toting mafioso, the red head sighed and said, "Roger put me in counseling when you left."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because." The gamer hadn't wanted to go into this. The memories were too painful. But whether the man in front of him was his best friend, and one-time lover, or not, the blond had a gun and there was no way bullets wouldn't start flying if he were denied.  
  
"I almost killed myself when you left. I couldn't handle it. The counseling helped, a bit. But that was one of the 'recovery methods' the psychiatrist gave me. 'Write a letter to a person who's hurt you, or someone you want to tell how you feel. Getting old grievances off your chest may help the new ones.' Hence, that."  
  
"... 'White Rabbit'? What the fuck? Where you high when you wrote this shit?"  
  
"No, Mello, I wasn't. In fact, I was probably about as fucking doped up as is humanly possibly. But he is your goddamn white rabbit!"  
  
"Mail Jeevas, don't take the Lord's name-"   
  
"Oh, blow it out your ass, Mihael!" the gamer snapped. "You do it all the time. You'd be a hypocrite if you told me not to now."  
  
The blond bristled in anger. "Fine. Then enlighten me, Matt. How the fuck is that damn sheep my White Rabbit?"  
  
"And there you go again; assuming it's Nate."  
  
"Well, isn't it?"  
  
"Near wasn't the only one you obsessed over. L this and L that. It made me sick."  
  
Mello's look grew deadly. "One more word, and I swear you'll regret it."  
  
"I'm not scared of yo-" His voice died in his throat as he felt the cold barrel of the blond's Beretta press against the center of his forehead.  
  
"Not so cocky now, huh? You know this baby's loaded. You watched me load it yourself. Now. Why is Near my White Rabbit?"  
  
Matt swallowed hard. "Because all you ever cared about was him. You never even cared about your puppy..."  
  
"Alice never had a..." Mello's eye's widened slightly in realization. "Matt, you...you... You were jealous! And of Near of all people. What did you expect me to do? Just sit back and let Near succeed L?"  
  
"Mello, be rational. Would it have worked?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Think about it. L is more than just a title, it's a life. A very lonely life. No close friends. No one to talk to but Watari and the occasional client important enough to talk to you. Could you really handle that?" the red head sighed.  
  
"You bastard, you think I can't handle it?" the blond growled, snapping off a bite of chocolate with a loud snap! "Don't you?"  
  
"I just...Fuck it. No. I don't think you can handle that kind of solitude. It's not about who's smarter or better, it's about who can handle being alone. I'm sorry for caring," Matt snapped, getting up and shoving Mello backwards a few steps, a dangerous move on the best of days, and stormed past the older man.  
  
"Matt...wait."   
  
"What?"  
  
"I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let my emotions get the better of me. I shouldn't have threatened to shoot you either. That was unfair of me."  
  
"Too right it was."  
  
The blond attempted a weak smile. "It was. Maybe I can make it up to you by letting you play your games tonight instead of my watching TV."  
  
"And you buy me another PSP?"   
  
Mello chuckled. "Alright. Fine."  
  
***  
  
Matt lay curled up against his best friend's side, thumbs tapping away madly at the controls. He knew his friend was bored, so he thought to say something along the lines of "Mel, if you're getting bored, you can watch TV. I've already forgiven you after all."  
  
Instead it came out, "Mel, why can't we be together anymore?"  
  
"Fuck, Matt." The mafioso groaned irritably. "We've been over this. It's immoral."  
  
"But you did it when we were 14..."  
  
"And that was wrong as well. Matt, please. I'm already in a bad mood and I'm trying not to take it out on you. Don't make it worse, alright?"  
  
"But Mel, it's not fair," the red head whined.  
  
"I'll show you 'not fair'," Mello snarled. "I let you be as cuddly as you want. What more do you fucking want from me?"  
  
"I want you to make love to me."  
  
The gamer found himself sitting on the floor, blinking in confusion. "Mel..."  
  
"I told you no, Matt. Goddammit, listen!" the blond raged.  
  
"God's last name isn't 'dammit'."  
  
"Fucking bastard. That's what you are. I don't know why I put up with you..." the mafioso grumbled to himself as he stormed out of the room.  
  
"You put up with me coz your ass is hopeless when it comes to technology!" Matt shot back.  
  
Silence. The red head was half tempted to just pick his controller back up and continue his game when the blond stuck his head back through the doorway.   
  
"What did you mean by 'and I would always follow you'?"  
  
"I'm your puppy. I'll follow you to the end."  
  
***  
  
The next day, as Mello felt his life slipping out of him he whispered one last apology.   
  
"I'm sorry, Matt..." _I should have given you that one thing. But you're right. He was my White Rabbit. And he was my downfall..._


End file.
